This is a very personal post for me. Maybe one of the most personal I'll ever share, as being a step-parent is at times, one of the most difficult things.
I received some valuable lessons this morning, as I had another needed healing session for myself. I have been having a particularly challenging time being a step mom of a teenager recently. It finally came to a point where I know something has to change, and we can't go on this way any longer. I have a few disciplining ideas that I think will help that relationship, as well as the relationships with all of my other children, BUT I think the lesson I received this morning will be even more valuable. I share it so that I remember to treat it with importance, and also in hopes that it may help some other step parent out in the world somewhere.
At the beginning of my marriage, my cute little step child had a hard time dealing with sharing his Dad. His parents had always been divorced in his memory, and whenever he was with his Dad, it was HIS special time (with a few exceptions.) Naturally, when I came into the picture, this little five year old was trying to find his place and always wanted to cuddle with his Dad, and sit by his Dad, etc. If you have ever been a newlywed, you probably remember, you're sort of glued to each other, and you want to stay that way. I think from those early days some minor, sub-conscious, jealousy started to form in both of us. We both wanted Dad's love and attention exclusively.
I think that's enough background. That was almost 10 years ago. Some experiences have fueled that jealousy continuing on, while others have made it dissolve again, at least a little. Still at times I have felt like (through no fault of theirs) it was me against them.....that I was separate from their little thing they have going on. Sometimes I feel like that child gets way too much extra special attention from his Dad, compared to the other children. I could go into both sides of why they should or shouldn't have their own little thing, but that's not where I'm going with this. I just share those feelings because, I'm hoping to validate someone, and help them feel like others know where they are coming from.
This morning I prayed and tuned into my own feelings and asked the spirit and Christ to guide me in replacing my negative beliefs that are affecting this relationship that needs healing. Among other things, the spirit told me that I need to care more about this child's love tank being filled, than my own. I need to care more about him receiving enough love and assurance, than I care about me receiving enough. It occurs to me that I think parents naturally care more about the well being of their children, and their children feeling loved, than they care about themselves. That is the divine love that Elder Holland spoke of in General Conference today. (link) For this particular child, maybe like most step-child/parent relationships, I need to make a conscious effort to put his needs before my own. I need to let him have as much love and attention from his Dad as he needs, even if I'm feeling a little left out or depleted. I can refill at a different time.
I'm reading a book right now by Nicholeen Peck called, A House United. The author and her family have helped many, many foster children. She even seeks out foster children with problems like lying and stealing so that she can help them. One day she realized why she was having such a hard time with one of these teenagers. She says, "'I was so worried and frustrated by the inconvenient behaviors, I wasn't allowing myself to love this sweet girl.....I decided to love her more than treat her behaviors."'
She goes onto say that she received some great advice from a woman who had long since raised her children. One of those children had gone wildly against her parent's teachings and beliefs with her life-style choices and had since returned and become a very spiritual and disciplined person. Nicholeen says, "I asked this wise woman, 'How did you change your child from a life course heading for disaster to a life course heading for success?'"
" She said, 'I loved her. No matter what she did, I loved her. I didn't agree with her, but I made sure I always felt I loved her. If I felt it, she would feel it too."' (p104)
These are the things I will be praying for. The strength to apply all of this God given knowledge and turn it into wisdom. The love of God in my heart for this child, so that He can feel it, because he knows when I am feeling love for him, and when I'm not, and that effects our relationship. I will be praying for the ability to care about him and his well-being more than I care about my own.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
A Pure Heart
(This post doesn't specifically mention anything about the 4th chakra, but it all directly relates.)
There are so many great scriptures about a pure heart. I've been thinking a little bit about receiving "pure and virtuous principles," and how it effects our heart and being when we receive things from the world that are not pure and virtuous.
Sometimes we take things to heart that we ought not to. We may allow someone's negative perception of us to make us feel bad about ourselves. We may let the worlds perception of beauty effect our self-esteem and feelings of self worth. A pure heart gives others the benefit of the doubt and even prays for those that hurt us, because of the pain or hurt that must be causing them to lash out. A pure heart is not a hard heart. It is open, and loving, and at peace.
If all we received into our hearts were pure and virtuous thoughts and feelings, how would that feel? I had a feeling, in the temple, of the rest that would give to my soul and spirit. It felt as though my spirit was tired.; tired of fighting against all of the things around me in the world that were impure. What beauty, and peace, and rest, to have a safe space inside your heart that is pure, undefiled, and unaffected by all of the filth and ugliness that is in the world.
Purity. What a beautiful word. Like holiness and charity. May the Lord bless us to keep the world out of our hearts and minds and become more pure, so that from that space we can love ourselves and others more freely, with the pure love of Christ....so that we will recognize God's face, his signature, in all that is around us. May he so change and strengthen us, so that we can become his instruments on the earth.
Alma 5:19
19 I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?
1 Timothy 1:5
Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:
Matthew 5:8
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
There are so many great scriptures about a pure heart. I've been thinking a little bit about receiving "pure and virtuous principles," and how it effects our heart and being when we receive things from the world that are not pure and virtuous.
Sometimes we take things to heart that we ought not to. We may allow someone's negative perception of us to make us feel bad about ourselves. We may let the worlds perception of beauty effect our self-esteem and feelings of self worth. A pure heart gives others the benefit of the doubt and even prays for those that hurt us, because of the pain or hurt that must be causing them to lash out. A pure heart is not a hard heart. It is open, and loving, and at peace.
If all we received into our hearts were pure and virtuous thoughts and feelings, how would that feel? I had a feeling, in the temple, of the rest that would give to my soul and spirit. It felt as though my spirit was tired.; tired of fighting against all of the things around me in the world that were impure. What beauty, and peace, and rest, to have a safe space inside your heart that is pure, undefiled, and unaffected by all of the filth and ugliness that is in the world.
Purity. What a beautiful word. Like holiness and charity. May the Lord bless us to keep the world out of our hearts and minds and become more pure, so that from that space we can love ourselves and others more freely, with the pure love of Christ....so that we will recognize God's face, his signature, in all that is around us. May he so change and strengthen us, so that we can become his instruments on the earth.
Alma 5:19
19 I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?
1 Timothy 1:5
Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:
Matthew 5:8
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
The 5th Chakra
The fifth chakra is located in your throat center. The associated color and vibration is blue. When your fifth chakra is in balance you speak your truth clearly, and easily, without hesitation or fear of how it will be received. The fifth chakra relates to communication, self-expression
Your truth is not necessarily your feelings. If you are feeling angry and contentious and you express that freely, that will be detrimental to your fifth chakra. If you yell or express anger frequently, you likely have a weakened fifth chakra. That doesn't mean to repress those feelings. It just means it would be more healthy to spend some time with them until you find a more constructive way to express them. Jesus says He is the way, the truth, and the life. When you express Christlike truth, THAT puts your fifth chakra into balance.
Another way we weaken our fifth chakra is by not speaking up. This image comes to mind. :)
If we hold in thoughts and feelings that are important to us, that blocks up the energy flow in our fifth chakra. The throat chakra can also be related to personal expression in the way of creativity.
The previous post (found here) addresses a personal experience that I have had with my fifth chakra. I want to share another experience I've had. Quite a while back, I did some energy work on a woman I had not met before. I felt a large tear in her energy field at her fifth chakra. I felt that the tear was there because of strong anger being expressed regularly and that negative spirit entities were using that tear to enter her space and further influence her. (If you didn't think I was crazy before, maybe you think so now ;)) This is one example of why it is important to keep our energy fields fortified.
We can't be perfect, but we can perfectly use the atonement. If you yell and express anger, apologize, and pray to your Heavenly Father to heal the effects of that anger on yourself and others through the power of the atonement. Work on it. This is something I know I need to work on. If you want extra inspiration for not yelling checkout THIS site. This week I will be setting and tracking a goal to not yell. I know I won't be perfect, but I will start over, until I can get 28 days in a row. Wish me luck!
I know this is getting long, but I have one more great thing to share. Some tips from here on how to re-align your 5th chakra. These have self-expression all over them.
1. Use your voice (sing, hum, chant, whistle)
2. yawn, scream, laugh, etc
3. Pick up a musical insturament
4. Play some music that makes you move
5. Journal
6. Find some inner stillness
7. Fast
8. Deep breathing
Your truth is not necessarily your feelings. If you are feeling angry and contentious and you express that freely, that will be detrimental to your fifth chakra. If you yell or express anger frequently, you likely have a weakened fifth chakra. That doesn't mean to repress those feelings. It just means it would be more healthy to spend some time with them until you find a more constructive way to express them. Jesus says He is the way, the truth, and the life. When you express Christlike truth, THAT puts your fifth chakra into balance.
Another way we weaken our fifth chakra is by not speaking up. This image comes to mind. :)
Here are some related questions I found on THIS website:
Are you keeping things to yourself?
Are you afraid/worried about speaking out?
Do you feel your opinions can not be voiced?
Do you feel that you are not being true to yourself?
Are you afraid of the truth?
Are you afraid of speaking the truth?
Do you have something to say, but not sure how to say it?
Are you having trouble doing something you want to do?
The previous post (found here) addresses a personal experience that I have had with my fifth chakra. I want to share another experience I've had. Quite a while back, I did some energy work on a woman I had not met before. I felt a large tear in her energy field at her fifth chakra. I felt that the tear was there because of strong anger being expressed regularly and that negative spirit entities were using that tear to enter her space and further influence her. (If you didn't think I was crazy before, maybe you think so now ;)) This is one example of why it is important to keep our energy fields fortified.
We can't be perfect, but we can perfectly use the atonement. If you yell and express anger, apologize, and pray to your Heavenly Father to heal the effects of that anger on yourself and others through the power of the atonement. Work on it. This is something I know I need to work on. If you want extra inspiration for not yelling checkout THIS site. This week I will be setting and tracking a goal to not yell. I know I won't be perfect, but I will start over, until I can get 28 days in a row. Wish me luck!
I know this is getting long, but I have one more great thing to share. Some tips from here on how to re-align your 5th chakra. These have self-expression all over them.
1. Use your voice (sing, hum, chant, whistle)
2. yawn, scream, laugh, etc
3. Pick up a musical insturament
4. Play some music that makes you move
5. Journal
6. Find some inner stillness
7. Fast
8. Deep breathing
Monday, June 8, 2015
Grace Replaces Guilt- A Session For Myself
I have had a killer sore throat for days. This morning I finally tuned in to the healing energies of Christ and Heavenly Father to try to help my throat heal and be comforted. In doing so they taught me what spiritual things had weakened that area of my body physically and helped me to see how to allow Christ to heal me.
My throat has been weakened recently from lots of yelling and anger at my children. I always struggle with this, but as of late I have been doing pretty consistently worse than usual. There are usually a lot more "up days" than there have been for a while. This is one of my struggles and weaknesses in life. When I tuned in to Heavenly Father, then came back into myself, I felt spiritual/emotional weakness in my throat and my heart.
Heavenly Father let me know that I indeed had weakened my 5th chakra/ throat area from communicating with a lot of anger and yelling. This was so weakening for multiple reasons. For one, anger is anger, and it is a harsh emotion to transfer consistently, and two, it wasn't MY voice. I was communicating the ugly voice of entities in and around me, rather than my own. MY voice would never want to treat my children like that. I love them unconditionally. (At least I think, feel, and hope I do!)
But beyond those two reasons for the weakened immune system and susceptibility in my throat and heart, was another negative emotion. Guilt. I was told I needed to forgive myself for these behaviors. Even as I TRIED to forgive myself, my thoughts said, "but it's NOT okay." I feel so sad -often- that I would ever treat my children like that. I WANT to be a perfect mom. I DON'T WANT to ever hurt them or sadden their spirits. Heavenly Father had to remind me what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not saying, what you did was okay. Forgiveness is saying, I understand that you have weaknesses, that you are mortal and imperfect, and that you are here to learn and work on those things. I forgive you because I have weaknesses too, and I know they are not easy to overcome. I am not meant to be perfect yet. I am meant to learn, one mistake at a time, to perfectly turn to Christ so that He can lift me.
I felt Heavenly Father say, "replace the guilt with grace." I felt a light pink cloud of comforting grace come in to comfort my physical and emotional body. As I handed my guilt to Christ, he offered me His grace and whispered, "this is why I came." He came for this. He came to heal you and me from the pain caused by our weaknesses and others. He offers his grace endlessly and reminds us to be gentle with ourselves. I forgive myself and allow grace from Christ to take away my guilt. I know that He loves me perfectly, and that it is okay to have weaknesses. As I do my best, He makes up the rest.
It's important to remember to apply God's grace to ourselves. Are you holding anything against yourself? Christ can help you heal it. That is why He came.
My throat has been weakened recently from lots of yelling and anger at my children. I always struggle with this, but as of late I have been doing pretty consistently worse than usual. There are usually a lot more "up days" than there have been for a while. This is one of my struggles and weaknesses in life. When I tuned in to Heavenly Father, then came back into myself, I felt spiritual/emotional weakness in my throat and my heart.
Heavenly Father let me know that I indeed had weakened my 5th chakra/ throat area from communicating with a lot of anger and yelling. This was so weakening for multiple reasons. For one, anger is anger, and it is a harsh emotion to transfer consistently, and two, it wasn't MY voice. I was communicating the ugly voice of entities in and around me, rather than my own. MY voice would never want to treat my children like that. I love them unconditionally. (At least I think, feel, and hope I do!)
But beyond those two reasons for the weakened immune system and susceptibility in my throat and heart, was another negative emotion. Guilt. I was told I needed to forgive myself for these behaviors. Even as I TRIED to forgive myself, my thoughts said, "but it's NOT okay." I feel so sad -often- that I would ever treat my children like that. I WANT to be a perfect mom. I DON'T WANT to ever hurt them or sadden their spirits. Heavenly Father had to remind me what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not saying, what you did was okay. Forgiveness is saying, I understand that you have weaknesses, that you are mortal and imperfect, and that you are here to learn and work on those things. I forgive you because I have weaknesses too, and I know they are not easy to overcome. I am not meant to be perfect yet. I am meant to learn, one mistake at a time, to perfectly turn to Christ so that He can lift me.
I felt Heavenly Father say, "replace the guilt with grace." I felt a light pink cloud of comforting grace come in to comfort my physical and emotional body. As I handed my guilt to Christ, he offered me His grace and whispered, "this is why I came." He came for this. He came to heal you and me from the pain caused by our weaknesses and others. He offers his grace endlessly and reminds us to be gentle with ourselves. I forgive myself and allow grace from Christ to take away my guilt. I know that He loves me perfectly, and that it is okay to have weaknesses. As I do my best, He makes up the rest.
It's important to remember to apply God's grace to ourselves. Are you holding anything against yourself? Christ can help you heal it. That is why He came.
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